word game: pain

[museaway]

This week's word is...
PAIN

How to play: Find the word in any WIP and comment with the sentence containing it. Just the one, ideally! The less context, the more hilarious & interesting it can be.

Rules:
- All fandoms, all ships, all writers welcome
- Give a head's up for disturbing/distressing content
- If you share a sentence, please read some left by other writers and drop at least one person a comment. (If you leave the first comment, thanks for starting us off, and we hope you'll pop back around later!)

A note about interacting: Writers supporting each other is important to me. If you object to leaving comments for another writer, then we are not for you. If you repeatedly ignore this rule, you will lose community membership.

Comments

[linky]

From my Gotchard AU longfic wip! (As always, looking forward to seeing the other snippets people post!)

His body felt heavy and was in so much pain. He writhed on the ground as the dark alchemy was shocking him. Almost like electricity. Coursing through every centimeter of his body, unlike anything he had ever felt before in his life. All Spanner could think about was how his body felt like absolute hell, almost as it was on fire, and then how Minato needed to escape…

He passed out cold in front of Minato.

excerpt from Welcome to Le Cafe Chapter 2: Lesson 1: How To Ace An Interview Without Even Speaking

[theemeraldgirl23]

Here's a different one from the one I shared in discord this time!

CW: physical assualt

The man slapped her. “Fuck you! Truly!” He pulled her by the collar of her work shirt and bashed his forehead into hers. “A real dancer would never quit! No matter what!” He pushed her to the ground. “They would keep going right until they keeled over on stage!” He pulled her back up again, forcefully enough that her prosthetic came loose.

Kazuha groaned in pain. “Damn it! Stop! I’m telling you the truth!”

Suddenly, someone came and pushed the man away. “Run! I’ve got this!”

Kazuha tightened her prosthetic and jogged away, silently thanking the person who saved her.

[theemeraldgirl23]

Ooh! This is such an evocative image! The dark alchemy around Spanner's body feeling like electricity and how his body is on fire but he still endures the pain to allow Minato an escape. I imagine Minato caught him as he passed out and stayed there with him instead of running away. Spanner probably wanted to scold Minato for it, but couldn't. Such an interesting dynamic in just a few sentences!

Re: excerpt from Welcome to Le Cafe Chapter 2: Lesson 1: How To Ace An Interview Without Even Speaki

[linky]

Oh this is so tense and evocative!! You can really feel the urgency in this, wonderful work!

[linky]

Thank you so much!! And you've really nailed their dynamic even without seeing the source material. Though what happens in fic is Minato teleports them away, but he would totally do this too. Its very in character for him. (And Spanner would scold him!)

Re: excerpt from Welcome to Le Cafe Chapter 2: Lesson 1: How To Ace An Interview Without Even Speaki

[theemeraldgirl23]

Thank you! I was trying to capture a tense moment, since Kazuha is caught off-guard. She's cornered by this man who claims to be a former fan of hers as she's going home from work. She tries to talk some sense into him, since she's not the type to resort to violence, but this guy wasn't having it.

[theemeraldgirl23]

Cool! I love teleportation as a part of magic systems. I'm also glad I got the dynamic you were going for. Means you're doing a great job!

Excerpt for my side story "Bathing with the Beast" [Fandom: Tomb Raider]

[bens_writingjournal]

From my long side story of The Gemini Huntsmen, specifically after Yulia decides to move in to Lara's room following the events of TGH. Though not directly mentioned, the snippet discusses the concept of "drops" in BDSM context.
=-=

"Of course, beloved. You may have missed a few cues from me, but aside from that, you've been a very good warrior," Lara says, to which the clone's shoulders sag at the praise. "At least you deserve a second bathing session with me."

"That's good," she drawls, happily groaning at the feeling of the washing brush carefully scrubbing away the juices between her legs. "Sorry for that sound. Just tired."

"Next time, Yulia, I'd love for your warning before it goes too far, yes?" Beneath the inherent haughtiness of Lara's snarky comment lies a hint of concern and care, a sweet lilt that often makes the clone give a small smile to her. "Though I do get why you're…" She quickly sighs. "…feeling like this: whether from fatigue and pain due to such a rough session, or out of weakness and insecurity, but I think it's a discussion for another day. How about we have some of your favourite raspberry tea and rest, all right?"

[tarlanx]

Sounds like an intense moment for Spanner!

[tarlanx]

From a WIP that's been sitting around for years!

The pain was intense for a moment but quickly dulled to a low throb as the cool night air took away the heat from the burn.

[belovedstill]

That's so much pain 😭🥺 (I love it asdfghjkl) The fact that the last thought Spanner has before he passes out is that Minato has to escape breaks my heart but also makes part of me sooo sadistically happy. He clearly cares so much...

This is more of a "set phrases in the English language" thing but I really enjoy Spanner feeling like his body is on *fire* and then passing out *cold*. The contracts in words! *chef's kiss*

Re: excerpt from Welcome to Le Cafe Chapter 2: Lesson 1: How To Ace An Interview Without Even Speaki

[belovedstill]

That's so messed up of that guy 😭 I'm so sorry to Kazuha. It's such a relief that somebody came and saved her. I hope 👀 they will meet again 👀

I am very curious what the truth Kazuha said was. Was it about somebody else quitting?

(Well done on writing a very believable asshole c':)

[belovedstill]

Mmm! I like the contrast of the cool air (especially with it being nighttime, I imagine the air is also quite humid, so it's helping even more) vs the heat (from the burn), it's like I can feel the breeze myself! Hopefully the pain won't flare up!

[belovedstill]

Then, all of a sudden, something explodes in his chest; molten heat spills from somewhere underneath his joined hands and all he feels is rhythmic pain.

[wandering_fox]

Sorry I'm late! I was at H-Mart.

"He's obviously in so much pain still, over Erwin. I want him free from that."

From my ongoing multiverse dumpster fire [affectionate].

[belovedstill]

That's such a sweet sentiment 🥺 So much care and determination in one single exchange. I really enjoy the speaking character's use of "free". The idea of pain, of heartbreak, I'm imagining, being likened to a trap, a prison, something that shackles and obstructs you, that your loved ones want to try and help you get out of... Because you *do* get out of it. That phrasing acknowledges the pain without belittling it, that says a lot about the character!

[wandering_fox]

Great sentence, with an intense visual! Without context one is unsure if it is a literal or metaphorical explosion, which makes it interesting.

[bens_writingjournal]

The potential care and the comfort! Gimme that, gimme that!

[bens_writingjournal]

Quite an unexpected metaphor for being love-sick, I might say.

[linky]

I really love how visual this excerpt is!

[linky]

It definitely is! Glad I was able to convey that. :D

[linky]

Thank you so much Bel!!! ;w; I really appreciate such a thoughtful comment!

Re: excerpt from Welcome to Le Cafe Chapter 2: Lesson 1: How To Ace An Interview Without Even Speaki

[theemeraldgirl23]

The truth of the statement is that Kazuha lost her leg. The guy is just being a complete asshole. Here's the lines before the excerpt in the same exchange:

The man pulled her back again. “No! I’m not accepting that! Tell me why! Tell me why you quit ballet!” he spat.

Kazuha curled her hand into a fist. “I don’t owe you anything! Get out of my face!”

“You quit without a word! You owe everyone an explanation! Especially your fans!”

“What do you want me to do?! Film a video taking off my leg for the world to see? God, I’m so tired of this. My situation is my own! Not anyone else’s! Especially not yours! Back off!” Kazuha sighed, releasing her fist. “Let me ask you something. If you were really my fan, would you be harassing me about something I chose not to reveal? If you were really my fan, would you be yelling at me for something that was out of my control? It wasn’t like I wanted to quit.”

And about them meeting again, I did have a plan for it. The person who saved her was the fiancee of one of her friends. The friend invited her to their wedding and they'll meet there, but it's pretty far along in the events of the fic. I'm not even close to being there, lol.

[tarlanx]

It's been YEARS since I even looked at that wip... it's actually a Star Trek TOS mirror universe story and I was shocked to see this wip has over 8000 words!

Re: excerpt from Welcome to Le Cafe Chapter 2: Lesson 1: How To Ace An Interview Without Even Speaki

[belovedstill]

Oh... Oh no, somehow the guy is even worse c': Thank you for explaining and showing me the earlier excerpt.

Best of luck getting the characters to the wedding!

[belovedstill]

It's wild whenever that happens 😂 Maybe it's time to poke at the WIP a little 👀 Best of luck with writing pursuits, for this one or any other work!

[belovedstill]

Thank you c: The pain is very much literal, the explosion is something the character could only liken the sudden sharp pain to.

The context is that the character died in the past, and has just stirred again--and now they feel their long-stilled heart give the first painful beat again which feels like an explosion with how it affects the rest of his body waking up.

[belovedstill]

Thank you!

[belovedstill]

Thanks, linky c:

[bluedreaming]

The way you have the “, over Erwin.” at a slight remove really catches my imagination; it’s so evocative! The pain is central, and then the second sentence of the narrator’s reaction to it. I love it.